Discipline is one of the most important lessons parents can teach their children yet it is also one of the most misunderstood. According to the explanation provided by pafikutaikab.org many still believe that discipline means punishment or control, when in fact, psychologists say it is about guidance, structure, and emotional connection. Teaching children discipline without fear helps them build responsibility, empathy, and respect — not out of fear of consequences, but out of understanding.
Discipline Is Not Punishment
According to Dr. Lestari Widjaja, a child psychologist from the Indonesian Psychological Association (HIMPSI), the key difference between punishment and discipline lies in intention. “Punishment focuses on making a child suffer for their mistakes,” she explains. “Discipline focuses on helping them learn from those mistakes.”
Harsh words, yelling, or physical punishment may appear effective in the short term, but studies show they can damage trust and emotional security. “Children who are afraid may obey temporarily,” Dr. Lestari says, “but they don’t truly understand why something is right or wrong. They learn to hide mistakes instead of correcting them.”
The Role of Emotional Connection
Fear-based parenting weakens a child’s emotional bond with their parents. Psychologists emphasize that children listen better when they feel safe and understood. “A calm, connected child is a cooperative child,” says Dr. Aditya Prasetyo, a behavioral psychologist. “When discipline comes from love and consistency, children are more likely to follow rules because they trust their parents, not because they fear them.”
He explains that children’s brains are still developing emotional regulation. When parents shout or act aggressively, it triggers the child’s stress response, making it impossible for them to process the lesson. “They shut down emotionally,” he says. “That’s why empathy works better than anger.”
Setting Boundaries with Respect
Effective discipline requires clear boundaries — and consistency is key. Parents should communicate expectations calmly and in simple language. For example, instead of saying, “You’re so naughty for not cleaning up!” try, “You need to put your toys away so no one trips and gets hurt.”
This approach turns discipline into problem-solving, not blame. When parents model respectful communication, children learn to regulate their emotions and take responsibility for their actions.
“Boundaries teach children that freedom and responsibility go hand in hand,” Dr. Aditya explains. “They learn that every action has a consequence, but those consequences are meant to teach, not to shame.”
Encourage Accountability, Not Fear
Psychologists also encourage parents to involve children in reflecting on their behavior. Asking questions like, “What do you think went wrong?” or “How can you make it better next time?” helps them develop empathy and self-awareness.
“Discipline should grow with the child,” Dr. Lestari adds. “As they mature, parents should shift from controlling to guiding — allowing children to take more responsibility for their choices.”
The Power of Positive Reinforcement
Acknowledging good behavior is just as important as correcting bad ones. Simple praise, like “I’m proud of you for being honest,” reinforces positive actions. Rewards don’t have to be material; consistent recognition strengthens intrinsic motivation — the desire to do right because it feels good, not because of external pressure.
The Takeaway
Fear might win obedience, but love builds character. By practicing calm communication, setting clear expectations, and emphasizing empathy over punishment, parents can raise children who follow rules not because they’re scared — but because they understand and believe in them.
As Dr. Aditya concludes, “Discipline guided by respect shapes not just good behavior, but good hearts.”
Source: Pafikutaikab
